Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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