Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
