I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
