in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
