Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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