I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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