And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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