You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
