they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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