I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
