I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
