I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
