I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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