Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
