I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
