Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
