Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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