All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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