Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
