Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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