Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
