Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
