I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
