just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
