you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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