I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
