I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
