someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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