Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
