M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He? As in you personified your dick?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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