If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
