I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
