my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
