Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
