i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
