I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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