hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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