When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
