Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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