Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
