I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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