the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
