Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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