He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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