Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
