I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
