I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
