But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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