soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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