Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sober January is a disaster.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
