I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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