textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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