I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
