sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
